The Law of Qu
by Charlett
Summary: There are two things in this world: Things you can eat, and things you can no eat.  Sometimes life just doesn't make sense.  When it doesn't, just look to the Law of Qu.  There are just some things you cannot eat no matter how hard you try. [Oneshot]


"There are two things in this world: Things you can eat, and things you can no eat." -Quina Quen.

I find it funny that Human people like Black Mages or Alexandrians are among the few people that Quina refuses to eat. Is s/he afraid that people will look down on him/her because s/he looks like a cannibal? Then why is s/he eating Goblins left and right? They're Humanoids too. Sometimes life just doesn't make sense. When it doesn't, just look to the Law of Qu.

There are just some things you cannot eat no matter how hard you try.

Anyway, I was just writing some Quina stuff because I'm in a writing slump and I can't think of anything, so I thought of Quina eating Alexandrians and then remembered that s/he CAN'T eat Alexandrians. So I just started writing. The ending was pretty crappy because, as I said, I couldn't think of anything to write and therefore ended it a little abruptly.

For the last time, this is about QUINA, not Beatrix! The people who read it on Deviant Art were telling me how well I was writing Beatrix and didn't even MENTION Quina! Now I feel sad...

Anyway...

READ ON!

The Law of Qu

"Do not resist!" The Alexandrian knights shouted as they climbed up the tree towards the village of Cleyra. Zidane cocked his head to the side to find a different, more alluring angle; they were all wearing cute little leotards that showed off their nicely taut asses… His thoughts were interrupted when the knight in question was reduced to a cinder, and the air was filled with burnt flesh. So much for a romantic getaway for the two of them if they got out of this alive.

"Alright, we've gotten most of the Cleyrans to safety, we should join them," Zidane said, stepping over the charred remains, "Freya, you okay?"

"I… I cannot lose Cleyra…" The Dragon Knight murmured, shaking her head slowly, "Burmecia is lost, but I will not lose Cleyra!"

"Zidane!!" Vivi shouted, flailing wildly, "They're coming!" He hid behind the monkey man as a new wave of Black Mages approached. They chanted the same thing over and over and over. It made even Zidane's blood run cold.

"KILL! KILL! KILL!!" They screamed, shooting fire and thunder every which way, "KILL!"

"These guys not very nice!" Quina said, shaking his/her head, tongue flapping about as s/he spoke, "They ruining nice place, they have tasty sand!"

"Don't worry, Quina!" Zidane shouted over the chanting Black Mages' chanting, "It's our job to protect it!"

"Good! We feast on sand tonight after battle!" The Qu agreed. Zidane wasn't sure he wanted to take Quina up on that offer of sand eating…

---

Alexandrian General Beatrix walked leisurely towards the top of the Cleyra Tree. She needn't move any faster, as the army was taking care of everything for her. That was, the army of Black Mages was working. Her own troop saw very little action, and she stood in deep thought as she walked up the inside of the trunk.

"General, is something wrong?" A colonel asked the woman, her eyes filled with worry, "You just fought in Burmecia only a day ago. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'll be fine," Beatrix said, "I'm much sturdier than that befuddled Plutonian Captain Steiner. We shall take Cleyra's crystal and we shall do away with these filthy rats, on Queen Brahne's orders!" The colonel nodded and rushed to meet with her troop again. Beatrix watched her leave, and sighed lightly, "But why make such drastic orders, My Queen…?"

"General! G… General…!!" The colonel shouted, rushing back to Beatrix's side, her eyes wide with fear.

"Calm yourself, colonel. I swear, you are not like Colonel Jade who was employed in Treno when I was young," Beatrix murmured, "What seems to be the trouble?"

"This… it's a… this giant…!" The colonel finally got her tongue in order and shouted aloud, "It's a giant white monster! It's… it's EATING us!"

"Eating…?" Beatrix gasped. The Cleyran rats had employed a monster? They truly were desperate. How dare they harm her troops? "Stand back, Colonel. I shall take care of this."

The Alexandrian watched as the Paladin left to meet and battle this monster, "May the gods have mercy on General Beatrix's soul…" She murmured, covering her mouth lightly.

---

"Get up! Get up!" The Alexandrian knight screamed, pulling at her friend's arm, "Please! Please get up!"

"I can't! My legs! They won't move!" The other soldier cried. Both of them had been torched by the enemy Black Mage's fire, "Leave me! Leave me, please!"

"I won't abandon you!"

"I smell tasties!!" The guards screamed as the huge Qu descended upon them, sniffing about, "You have food!"

The women screamed and dug around in their pockets. Finding what little rations they had, they threw it at the monster, who voraciously devoured it all. The Qu sniffed at them again, "You no make trouble in town?"

"Please! Leave us alone!" they screamed, "Please!"

"You have no good food anyway…" Quina muttered, turning around and jogging off to meet with Zidane and the others.

"Where have you BEEN?" Freya hissed. Quina licked his/her lips as the Bermecian leapt into the air. The Qu waited… waited… waited… the Alexandrian knight that rushed the Qu was immediately impaled by the Dragon Knight. Freya drew her lance up and flicked excess blood from it, "Stay by our side. The last thing we want is to lose you too."

"Any food to eat?" Quina asked, bending over the dead body. S/he sniffed around and proclaimed joyously at what s/he found on the body, "Ahh! Hedgehog Pie meat!" The Qu dug in.

Some Alexandrian knights just a little ways away turned green from sickness, "That monster! Look, it's eating!"

"The meat of our comrades!" The others shouted. Some turned about and ran for the hills, but others stood their ground, "We won't let that monster eat our fallen friends!"

"Stand aside," Beatrix ordered as she pressed onward towards the Cleyran temple, "I will handle the monster, and I shall do it with no other casualties. We may have pride as Alexandrian Knights, but I do not want to see my people killed." She stood before the temple, where the Cleyran High Priest and the Bermecian King were holed up, "It is time to end this…"

**The End...?**

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...Yeah, it's the end. Just not the end of the GAME LOL I'M SO SMART.

... Yeah... Anyway, review and all that jazz.


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